The Hell Known as Customer Service

                             The Hell Known as Customer Service 
                                           by Tanashie Jacquecin
 
 
 
 
 
   
 
                                      a play in one act  

 
 Character list 
Jeffery: A stressed Barista  
Customer 1: A rude female 
Customer 2: A lazy male 
Customer 3: A simple individual who wants tea 
Manager: An individual who has no regards when it comes to Jeffery 

                                              Synopsis 
An over worked minimum wage Barista faces some hassle with his job. 

Scene One  

Curtains opens to inside of a café. There are people in there, enjoying their coffee.Jeffery stands behind the bar, reading a book. A female customer comes in, talking on her phone. 

 

Jeffery: Hello, welcome to Hell's Bean, how can I help? 

( She continues to look at her phone) 

Jeffery: Miss? 

Customer 1: Can I have a Non-Fat Frappuccino with soy milk, extra whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and caramel sauce? 

Jeffery: Yes, you may. The total is $15.75. 

(Customer finally looks up from her phone.) 

Customer 1: Why is it so high?! The menu says that a Frappuccino is only $10! 

Jeffery: Yes it is. But you had yours customized and with a customization, the prices goes up. Will that be all? 

Customer 1: Whatever. Just make my drink right. 

(She hands over the money. Jeffery turns around and makes her drink. Once finished, he gives it to her.) 

Jeffery: Here you go, will that be all? 

(Customer 1 takes a sip of the drink.) 

Customer 1: This is wrong. I wanted a nonfat frappe. I can taste the fat in it.  

Jeffery: That would be the whip cream, chocolate sauce and caramel sauce. 

Customer 1: Are you being smart with me? 

Jeffery: Well, it's what you ordered.  

Customer 1: Whatever. You are not getting a tip from me. 

(Customer leaves the store with the drink.) 

Jeffery: Have a nice day. 

(Jeffery goes back to reading his book. Curtain close.) 

 

Scene Two 

Curtain reopens to Jeffery tidying up the café. It is midday, and Jeffery has just dealt with the afternoon lunch rush. He just finished cleaning his last dirty table. Once finished, a customer comes in. The customer is covered in mud and dirt and sits the table Jeffery just finished cleaning. Jeffery goes behind the coffee counter.  

Jeffery: Welcome to Hell's Bean, what can I get for you today? 

Customer 2: I’ll have a tall half-skinny half-1 percent extra hot with two shots decaf and two shots regular, latte with whip cream. Hold the sugar.  

Jeffery: Okay then. It will be $12.50. Will that be all? 

Customer 2: Yup. 

(Customer 2 takes out his money and places it on the table.) 

Jeffery: Sir, I am going to need you to come up and pay for your drink.  

Customer 2: Can you do it? I am so tired.  

(Jeffery goes to the customer and gets the money. With a look of annoyance on his face, he goes back and makes the coffee. The customer takes out his phone and looks at it.) 

Jeffery: Alright sir, here is your coffee. 

(Customer 2 still is looking at phone. Jeffery left eye starts to twitch.) 

Jeffery: Sir? 

Customer 2: Oh, thank you.

Jeffery:…. 

Customer 2: Are you not going to give my coffee? It's not going to get to my table by itself. 

Jeffery: Sir, this is a counter services. You pick up your coffee at the counter. 

Customer 2: But it is so far.... 

Jeffery: Sir.  

Customer 2: And you are right there with my coffee, so.... 

(Jeffery sighs and takes the coffee, walks around the counter and heads to the customer.) 

Jeffery: Here you go sir. Will that be all?

Customer 2: Can I have a couple of your lemon bars as well? Please and thank you. 

Jeffery: Right away sir, though it will be three dollars extra. 

(Customer 2 gives him the money. Jeffery turns around and gets the lemon bars, and then gives it to the customer.  He watches as the man dirty the table as he eats his lemon bar and drinks his coffee. The man gets up and leaves. Jeffery goes back to clean up the mess the man made) 

Jeffery: Hope you have a nice day sir.  

Scene Three 

It is near closing time. The customers have left, and Jeffery is in the middle of the café sweeping.The manager comes in and Jeffery looks up. 

Manager: Hey Jef, I am going to need you to stay later tonight. 

Jeffery: But sir, I have plans tonight. 

Manager: It will not be that long, I am sure it can wait.  

Jeffery: But.. 

Manager: Will it be a problem? 

(Jeffery hand tightens around the broom.) 

Jeffery: It's fine. 

Manager: Alright, I got to go pick some stuff from our coffee distributer. I'll be back in a bit, take care of this mess, will ya. 

(Manager leaves while another customer comes in. Jeffery heads to the counter.) 

Jeffery: Hello there, what can I get for you today? 

Customer 3: umm.... 

(Jeffery interrupts) 

Jeffery: Let me guess, you want a highly complicated drink that does not even count as coffee? 

Customer 3: What? 

(Jeffery interrupts) 

Jeffery: A venti pumpkin spice latte with eight shots of espresso, seven pumps of pumpkin sauce, and one pump of maple pecan sauce? 

Customer 3: Wait? 

(Jeffery interrupts) 

Jeffery: A venti Frappuccino with two scoops of ice, five pumps almond syrup, and double blended? 

Customer 3: No, I? 

(Jeffery interrupts) 

Jeffery: A venti salted caramel mocha Frappuccino with five pumps chocolate sauce, four pumps of caramel sauce, four pumps of caramel syrup, three pumps of mocha, three pumps of toffee nut syrup, double blended with extra whipped cream? 

Customer 3: I don't even like Coffee! 

Jeffery: Then what? Do you want a grande ice water with seven pumps of raspberry and seven pumps of classic syrup? 

Customer 3: If you just let me talk... 

(Jeffery interrupts) 

Jeffery: A venti mango black tea lemonade with 24 pumps of mango? 

Customer 3: That just sounds fucking wrong. 

Jeffery: Then what? What can you people possibly want from me? 

Customer 3: If you could just let me get a word in, I'd 

(Jeffery snaps) 

Jeffery: No. I will not let you get a word in. I have been dealing with rude customers all day. Each person, more difficult than the last, coming in asking for these complicated orders. They think I have magic coming out of my ass; expecting me to create these drinks. Not only that, I have to clean up after your mess, deal with your rude attitudes, and other rude bullshit. And... 

(Customer snaps) 

Customer 3: Will you shut up and let me talk! 

Jeffery:….. 

Customer 3: I'm sorry that you have to deal with this crap. 

Jeffery: Well, yeah. 

Customer 3: But I have not done anything to you. 

Jeffery: That’s true. 

Customer 3: The minute I step foot in your little café, you have been screaming at me! 

Jeffery: That may be true, but... 

(Customer interrupts)